...Ungratefulness...

Syubidubidam... Hohoho, haven't blogged for a while now as I was very busy with a lot of things in life.. *sigh* anyways, for those of you who have no clue, I'm now married! With marriage comes its ups and downs.. I don't normally share much of the downs, as we have an agreement that we won't talk about each other behind each other's backs.. And so I guess most people will think that it's all ups and no downs for us.. *blehhhhh* not true!

Anyways, I'm writing about ungratefulness as I realised that this lack of gratefulness to God seems to be in a lot of areas in my life! not something I'm proud of, but rather this is something I'm working on still... The sermon series in our church is lately about having a grateful heart as an overflow of our response to God's amazing love in our lives, and the minister gave us a challenge to stop complaining for a week! Arghhhhhhhh... -___-' you will have no clue how difficult that was! Everything which could go wrong did go wrong in that week.. I missed my bus (multiple times) in that week.. Even at one point I missed 2 buses in a row (how could that be you ask? Somehow the bus driver didn't see any of us signaling from the bus stop, and so he didn't stop! - there goes my bus again..)

The interesting thing I realised is that the more I complained and refused to give thanks (for the little unfortunate incidents), the worse the incidents became!! Only when I forced myself to look at the positive side of things did it actually get better... God was teaching me that He is right, and deserves the praise and glory! :) Despite everything that happens, He has a good and perfect plan..

Anyways, back on the ungratefulness.. These past few days, I've been overwhelmed by a feeling of "friendlessness" (if that's even a word).. I honestly felt that I don't have any 'true' friends at all apart from God... Since I got married, I felt as though my friends started treating me even more differently to what it was like when I was coupled up (but not married).. This is actually really different to how it was when I was single btw.. I also found out quite recently that certain people seem to be uncomfortable ('annoyed' or 'sick of' may be a better word tho) at the affection my hubbie is showering me with (probably coz we're newlyweds and for those of you who know him, A's just like that! very passionate.. and I guess, he's kinda passionate about having a wife now - note to self: something to thank God for! :)).. This little blurb actually hurt me, and I got quite upset.. Especially since I've felt 'unwanted' in my group of friends I used to hang out with when I was single, for a while already.. Not sure why, but I felt it was just simply cause I now have a ring on my ring finger (and a hubby).. But hey, how different am I to the person I was when i was single? Other than the ring and the guy? (I actually got quite depressed for a while, being the mellow me) Add to this A's crazy work schedule with no time for me (at all), and so I felt like I was quite alone in this world... And drowning in a downward spiral for a while....

Anyways, in the midst of all this, God has reminded me that He is truly my one and only friend... at all times.. Who doesn't judge, knows me as I am, and accepts me despite everything.. My human biC and siC are just that, humans who fail and it's unfair for me to be blaming them when I often fail and hurt God (and my biC and siC) too.. I'm also to be thankful for the biC and siC who are there, and extend their welcoming arms (and ears) too :) Did you know? Giving thanks actually helps overcome my depression and stress levels, as they help me to see that God is good indeed, and that He truly never leaves me nor forsakes me! And that the many little acts of kindness that I receive every single day are expressions of His love and mercies.. Which I am truly grateful for..

Only after all this stress do I understand.. Kenapaaaa coba kotbah about thankfulness and gratefulness diulang2 the whole of last month.. ^___^ Anyways, please do pray for me, that I'll find out what God is trying to teach me through my situations, and to learn to continually give thanks! Blessings!

-----
Psalm 107
¹ Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
his love endures forever.

² Let the redeemed of the LORD say this—
those he redeemed from the hand of the foe,

³ those he gathered from the lands,
from east and west, from north and south. ^a]">[a]

⁴ Some wandered in desert wastelands,
finding no way to a city where they could settle.

⁵ They were hungry and thirsty,
and their lives ebbed away.

⁶ Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,
and he delivered them from their distress.

⁷ He led them by a straight way
to a city where they could settle.

⁸ Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love
and his wonderful deeds for men,

⁹ for he satisfies the thirsty
and fills the hungry with good things.

¹⁰ Some sat in darkness and the deepest gloom,
prisoners suffering in iron chains,

¹¹ for they had rebelled against the words of God
and despised the counsel of the Most High.

¹² So he subjected them to bitter labor;
they stumbled, and there was no one to help.

¹³ Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
and he saved them from their distress.

¹⁴ He brought them out of darkness and the deepest gloom
and broke away their chains.

¹⁵ Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love
and his wonderful deeds for men,

¹⁶ for he breaks down gates of bronze
and cuts through bars of iron.

¹⁷ Some became fools through their rebellious ways
and suffered affliction because of their iniquities.

¹⁸ They loathed all food
and drew near the gates of death.

¹⁹ Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
and he saved them from their distress.

²⁰ He sent forth his word and healed them;
he rescued them from the grave.

²¹ Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love
and his wonderful deeds for men.

²² Let them sacrifice thank offerings
and tell of his works with songs of joy.

²³ Others went out on the sea in ships;
they were merchants on the mighty waters.

²⁴ They saw the works of the LORD,
his wonderful deeds in the deep.

²⁵ For he spoke and stirred up a tempest
that lifted high the waves.

²⁶ They mounted up to the heavens and went down to the depths;
in their peril their courage melted away.

²⁷ They reeled and staggered like drunken men;
they were at their wits' end.

²⁸ Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,
and he brought them out of their distress.

²⁹ He stilled the storm to a whisper;
the waves of the sea were hushed.

³⁰ They were glad when it grew calm,
and he guided them to their desired haven.

³¹ Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love
and his wonderful deeds for men.

³² Let them exalt him in the assembly of the people
and praise him in the council of the elders.

³³ He turned rivers into a desert,
flowing springs into thirsty ground,

³⁴ and fruitful land into a salt waste,
because of the wickedness of those who lived there.

³⁵ He turned the desert into pools of water
and the parched ground into flowing springs;

³⁶ there he brought the hungry to live,
and they founded a city where they could settle.

³⁷ They sowed fields and planted vineyards
that yielded a fruitful harvest;

³⁸ he blessed them, and their numbers greatly increased,
and he did not let their herds diminish.

³⁹ Then their numbers decreased, and they were humbled
by oppression, calamity and sorrow;

⁴⁰ he who pours contempt on nobles
made them wander in a trackless waste.

⁴¹ But he lifted the needy out of their affliction
and increased their families like flocks.

⁴² The upright see and rejoice,
but all the wicked shut their mouths.

⁴³ Whoever is wise, let him heed these things
and consider the great love of the LORD.

~ Feminity ~

Hmm.. Is this a strange word for us christian gals or is it just me? I'm intrigued by the fact that this word can have so many interpretations! Somehow, lots of the ppl I know seem to think that

feminine = pink, girly, long fingernails, always pretty, sweet, long curly hair, motherly, etc etc..

So.. what should the Christian view be?

I found this post here on the "Makings of a True Woman".

It appears that most ppl nowadays (including blur little ole me) often get confused on the true meaning of being a woman according to God. :)

Femininity, they reckon is an attitude of receptiveness, responsiveness, the heart that respects authority, softness, purity.

Which the bible says is (1 Pet 3:1) :

• The Bible says those things are powerful
  
• Those things can change the world.
• They can change the heart of a wayward husband.
• They can change the heart of an unbelieving husband.
• The respect and the womanliness of our behavior is a powerful thing.

SO, "wanting to control" which God did mention is something we females will get up to one day (Gen 3:16) is simply one word.. UN-feminine.. Not God's design!

I remember one wise lady once told a group of us (and several other different ladies told me personally in different occasions) that we as women find it HARD to be submissive and let the guy take the lead.. Particularly when we feel "right".. (PS: is it just me, or do other ladies feel this way as well?)

The article I read did say that when this lady tried to be the "head" in her marriage, it just didn't work out. God HAD to be the head.. *gosh* this is SO true for me too! haha.. anyways, I'm not married yet, but even in my relationship now, I still find it hard to submit to the guy's lead and surrender all to God!

More often than not, when something strikes me as "wrong" in my fiance, I (in all my KESOMBONGAN) don't pray FIRST and ask God what to do.. But rather, try and resolve it myself.. How? easy! have a chat with him about the issue..

Err.... Wrong answer!! more often than not, he's got a really huge unwillingness to listen.. despite my method of delivery.. I can wrap things up in the sweetest words and let him know in the nicest way, but errrr... NOT getting through!

BUT now when I jog my memory.. I recall, when I DO pray to God first and let Him know my concern and ask Him what I should do before talking to my fiance.. God will remind him either thru his quiet time, bible reading, a trusted friend, or when I try to let him know my concerns, he's VERY receptive of it despite me using "blunt" words (must be God working, I can't explain why otherwise)

Somehow I get this "feminine" label at times, but I'm really reminded of just how God's version of femininity is more heart than looks! I'm REALLY reminded of how "unfeminine" (i.e. controlling) I can be at times!! Just reminds me of how sinful I am and just how much I'll need to depend on God to get through the rest of my life! Especially to make this alliance-partnership I'll be signing on in about a year work and deliver resultssss :)

PS: I'm an engineering consultants, so my definition of an alliance =
"huge projects where SOMEONE needs to lead and set direction, EVERYONE wants to have a say and demands a lot, the whole project demanding a lot of work and effort from everyone, to deliver something of *usually* tremendous worth and profit - although it does comes with a huge liability involved if you don't carry through till the end."

- relationship stuff -

Hello hello...

hmmm.. haven't been writing much in my blog lately.. but i stumbled upon this article in the news (US one), and I was so terharuuu bacanya! its about married life and the true realization of the depths of wedding vows. NOT to be taken lightly!

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/03/04/AR2008030402498.html?sid=ST2008030603276

truly reminds me of just how much Jesus did for us on the cross.. and how a husband-wife relationship should reflect Christ's relationship with His jemaat.. *watery eyes*

:: All praise be to God ::

Psalms 16:5-11

5 LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.

6 The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.

7 I will praise the LORD, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.

8 I have set the LORD always before me.
Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.

9 Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,

10 because you will not abandon me to the grave, ^[c]
nor will you let your Holy One ^[d] see decay.

11 You have made ^[e] known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

Hohoho.. I haven't actually written anything on my blog eh?? I've been really slack in keeping up with my journals and bloggies.. but oh well, at least I'm writing stuff now rite? ^^

Geez, 2007 is so GONE, and almost a month of 2008 has past!! time sure flies quickly.. This truly reminds me that, well, all human life is truly nothing in light of eternity!! in the blink of an eye, a year's past.. in my mind's eyes, it seems like I just started high school yesterday.. but lo and behold, i've finished uni and even starting work in 2 weeks time.. *glek* gone are my student days, and hellooooo working life.

Speaking about life and eternity, just a couple of days ago, (even till today) the media is rampant with news of Heath Ledger's passing.. He was only 28y.o.!! The saddest thing about it is the legacy he left behind.. It just makes me think of my own life, and gosh, I DO wonder, what will ppl say about me when I do pass on from this life?? Sober reminder to truly live my life for God's glory, so when I do go back to Him, hopefully my legacy isn't an empty and fruitless one :)

On a lighter note, thanking God for His many blessings in the past year!! For....
- His guidance, provision, help and blessings all throughout my life...
- finishing uni!!! FINALLY, am done with it for now!! woohooo!!
- the love and support of my family, spc. my beloved dad n sis.. missing mom heaps, but hey, will see her eventually so its all good ^_^
- the blessing of koko in my life, am truly grateful to God for him..
- the many SiC that I've been blessed with.. they're truly the bestest friends (and siblings in christ) ever (after God of course)!!
- the many opportunities to serve and witness Christ that I've been given.. I'm no perfect person and I do stuff up many times, but God still gives me opportunities to witness Him :)
- the job that I've been entrusted with.. thanking God that
- etc..etc..etc.. there's too many to mention!!! ^__________^

Specifically, hohoho.. if u didn't notice that I had some bible verses up on top.. please avert ur eyes and scroll to the top, read, then come back here... I'd like to share a bit on that ^_^ wohohoho.. for my dearest friends who've been with me all this time and who've heard about my search for work.. they would've seen my slowly but surely going a bit frantic and stressed signs.. well, u see, truth be told, I've been applying for jobs since jan or feb last YEAR.. but I haven't seen any signs of me getting a job all throughout 2007!! Honestly, at first I had to admit that I was rather conceited.. I thought oh heck, it'll be a snap (after seeing most of my friends get their jobs after the 2nd or 3rd interview)... but the truth is, it's NOT easy! geez, keep getting similar feedback, sometimes it's the "no residency" thing, sometimes it's the "lack of enthusiasm" part, sometimes it's other things.. they all give me feedback saying i'm a strong candidate, but always not strong ENOUGH.. also, since my residency is STILL pending for now.. it seems that nothing is going as planned.. worries started kicking in, but I've been reminded that by worrying, I'm showing that I doubt God and that I so lack faith!

I was having my quiet time with God, and it was on Psalms 16.. Verses 5 to 11 just leapt out of the page and spoke to me.. God graciously reminded me that He's got His wonderful plans for me.. that despite how bleak things may seem, God has mapped out my life, and that even in my sleep God is guiding me in His way and that God will provide..

Well, well.. a while later.. I got an interview for a position I even forgot I applied for.. oh yeah, and the ad actually stated that only people with residency can apply!! turns out that this position was bingo! This was a position that I've been searching for all the time - my "ideal position" !! it's for an environmental consulting company, doing consulting work which concentrates mainly on design, process optimisation, and is similar to what I've been doing during my temp job as a RA at uni.. And, only by God's graciousness, I was offered the job!! woohooo!! God is GOOD!!

Just a word of encouragement, to NEVER stop trusting in God's plans.. His plans for those whom He loves are perfect down to the very little detail!! Blessings!! ^_______^

Intro

Holaaa.... syubidubidu...

Welcome teman2 to me blog.. *sigh* Not really an avid fan of the bloggie world, but i suppose it won't hurt if I have a blog.. Haven't really been motivated enough to be writing in my blogs lately, been writing more in my "traditional" journal a.k.a. pen and paper.. But hey, this is probably a much much much easier way to update ppl on what's happening in my life even though they're across the globe somewhere out there.. Been trying to pick up blogging since ages ago but never managed to go on with the blogging! anyhooz, will update this blog fr time to time ^_^